Like myself, Jonathan is the type of person who strives to live a meaningful and purpose-driven life, partially through his thoughtful and inspiration posts, as well as his wonderfully insightful comments on others’ posts. If you enjoy my topics and writing style than I’m sure you’ll love this post.

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Living in the world that is, not the world you wish it was by Jonathan

First off, I’d like to thank Erin for the chance to do a guest spot. I found Analyfe a few months back and subscribed immediately. I love her approach to writing and the honest yet positive attitude she brings to the table.

I have to admit, this is the first opportunity I’ve had to do a guest spot on another person’s blog. I’m not quite sure of the etiquette, but I’m betting that now would be a good time to tell you a little bit about myself. Let’s start with the demographics.  My name is Jonathan Oakes, I’m a 30-something married guy with no children living in Jacksonville Florida. Overall I’m a very happy person. I’m a Christ-follower and a successful businessman.

Things weren’t always so easy peasy. My young life was difficult. I was one of those unfortunate children that others picked on constantly to feel better about themselves. I didn’t help matters any, I was a know-it-all nerd who was trying too hard to be something different. Believe it or not, things grew worse as I got older. I fashioned myself into a tough guy and spent more time hurting the people around me than I care to admit.

I’m a completely different person now. The change came as the result of two events, watershed moments if you will, both of which happened in my mid-twenties. First, I lost 175 pounds. That’s not a typo. I used a combination of Weight Watchers and 4 days a week in the gym for a year and a half to drop from 425lbs to 250lbs. Check out this article if you’d like to hear more about that experience. Near the end of that process I reached my second big moment. I finally submitted my life to God. I stopped blaming Him for my pain and admitted the fact that I had created my own world.

That’s my line in the sand. Since then my life has been amazing, and believe me, that’s not an exaggeration. I found the love of my life and got married. I have been recognized for my contributions at work and have had the opportunity to climb the corporate ladder at an accelerated pace. I’m flat out blessed; I don’t know a better way to describe it. As the years have passed I’ve developed a real love for people. I want to see everyone grow. I want to see people develop into the best person that they can be and to push their way past their problems and struggles to accomplish great things. This is my purpose for writing. If I can look back years after I’ve finished writing and find that I positively impacted a single person’s life then I will consider it time well spent.

Hmm… 5 paragraphs. I can see that going to have to work on the length of my intros otherwise I’ll never get invited back. Today’s topic is about living in the world that is, not in the world as you wish it was. It struck me one day a few weeks back. I was watching some poor soul on a reality show struggling with a situation that was completely unfair. This person’s run on the show ended that night because she was stuck on the fact that the thing she was dealing with was unfair. She was stuck in neutral while the others around her figured out their strategies and started pushing forward. She lost because she couldn’t put the way she thought things should work behind her and deal with reality.

Soon after that I began to notice similar behavior at work. This is when it really struck me. Reality TV is one thing, but work is in the real world. When people fail in the real world it has real life consequences. I started paying closer attention to people’s behavior and realized that it was not a rarity. It turns out that this type of behavior is prevalent. For example, I know a person that is desperately trying to deliver on a big project. They are frantically busy doing more and more work within their existing paradigm to achieve success. The problem is that their existing paradigm does not include the inputs and opportunities necessary to achieve true success. Yet, when people explain this to them and suggest alternatives that will help them they smile politely and ignore the advice. It’s as if they are saying, ‘that’s nice, but you don’t understand how things work in my world’.

Maybe I’m using the wrong title here. It isn’t necessarily people getting trapped in the way that they want the world to work. The more I think about it, the more I think that it’s a case of people trying to follow the rules and believing that it will result in success. It reminds me of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Harry had the potions book with all of the extra notes inside and was succeeding wildly because of those instructions. I remember Hermione being very frustrated. See, Hermione had built a career on following the rules to the letter. This is why she did so much better than others at different things. However, when Harry used information that wasn’t “appropriate” she was frustrated by it. If she had wanted, she could have studied his book and learned to do those things better for herself but instead she was frustrated with her own inability to succeed with her standard set of instructions.

It’s obvious which side of this topic I stand on. I believe in getting things done. Today I was introduced to a new project manager. We’re going to be working together on multiple initiatives for a little while. I was upfront about my personality as we talked. I described myself as a conscientious rule breaker. It was pretty funny. He looked at me like I was crazy. I explained that I felt that rules were important and it was very important for someone to be focused on them to keep us all out of trouble. That being said, the person looking at them won’t be me.  I’m going to focus all of my attention on what we’re trying to accomplish and take whatever actions I know to take to achieve success. However, because I respect the need for rules, I promised that I would keep him informed of my plans and actions and that I would find a different way of accomplishing my goals if he felt that the way that I outlined would break an important rule. Moving forward in this manner we’ll achieve great success. I’ll help us get where we need to go and he’ll make sure I don’t get us all fired on the way there.

See, that’s what the rules are really about. The rules that we live within are not designed to promote success. They typically have nothing to do with success. Rules are put in place to keep us from getting in trouble. For example, a speed limit of 55 mph does not help me get to where I’m going faster. However, it can help me stay out of trouble on a wet road or a road with unanticipated features. There are other rules that are designed to make sure things are fair to everybody. These are very important rules, but once again, they have nothing to do with success.

If following the rules led to success in this world then we would have way more very successful people. Success comes from identifying a goal and figuring out the fastest and most effective way of accomplishing that goal. Success is challenged by changing factors and conditions. It is also challenged by unexpected roadblocks and many times it is hampered by rules that have to be followed. The person who will be the most successful is not the person who keeps going in the same direction after challenges have presented themselves. The most successful person is the one who finds ways around the challenges in his own way and accomplishes his goals in spite of those challenges.

Let me give you a couple of examples to drive this point home. I can remember multiple stories in the famous book How to Win Friends and Influence People. The book is littered with stories about people who tried and tried to make a contact or a sale. I remember one in particular was about a designer who was trying to win a contract to design things for a major corporation. The standard process was for him to design something, set up time with the right person from the company and sell him on the features of what he designed. The problem was that this person was never buying from him. He also found issues and flaws in what the person was designing. Then one day the designed decided to work outside of the rules. He showed up with a design framework that was unfinished and put it in front of the purchaser. He showed the purchaser the basics and asked him how he would modify it to meet his needs. The buyer made a few adjustments that the designer agreed to and immediately the buyer made an order for work to start.

If the designer had stayed within those rules then he would have never sold a thing. However, when he stepped out of the rules and stopped being blocked in by the way things were supposed to go, then he was finally able to achieve success. Sometimes you have to do things differently. It’s easy to get trapped in a world of templates where we follow examples other people have set. Did you ever stop to think that the person who left might not have been successful? That means that the template you are following will prevent you from being successful as well. Successful people think for themselves and they don’t worry about how other people are doing things unless they see that other people are more successful than they are.

The other example that comes to mind is Trent Dilfer. Trent Dilfer was the quarterback of the Baltimore Ravens when they won the Super Bowl in 2000. Trent Dilfer is a solid example of someone who followed the rules. As a quarterback he was known as a game manager, someone who you put in the quarterback position that would minimize mistakes. When people remember the Baltimore Ravens team from that year do they talk about how Trent Dilfer led them to a Super Bowl victory? No. They actually talk about how the team won the Super Bowl in spite of Trent Dilfer. That’s an example of what it’s like when you succeed as someone who was focused on following the rules. You are seen as someone who got lucky or someone who was carried by the others around you.

On the other end of the spectrum you have Ben Roethlisberger. Roethlisberger is the current quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers. He’s been in the league for 7 years, won 2 Super Bowls and nearly won a 3rd last year against the Green Bay Packers. Roethlisberger has spent his career surrounded by a team just as talented as Dilfer. But when people talk about Roethlisberger now they don’t waste time talking about how he’s a good game manager. No, he is known now as a person that leads his team to success. With Dilfer, even on a great team, everything had to break just right to achieve great success. With Roethlisberger, even when things are going wrong, the team feels confident about their chance to succeed. This is because Roethlisberger will improvise, he will break free from a defender, run around and buy the time necessary for someone to get open and then deliver the ball. He doesn’t achieve success by being safe or by doing things the way that you’re taught. He achieves success because he is determined to make something happen.

My question to you is this, do you want to be the person who spends their energy doing things exactly as their told and following the rules exactly as they are laid out? Or, do you want to be a person who spends their time thinking about how to make things happen, how to accomplish a challenging objective? The first person can achieve success, but it will be slow process. It is the second person that drives change. It is the second person who can accomplish greatness. Personally, I’d rather be a person that strived to accomplish great things and failed than the person who stays in line wondering why it seems like everybody is passing me by. What about you?

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Jonathan blogs at Bootstraps: Living Life with a Purpose. If you liked this guest post, please go check out some of his other great post and discussions.