Tag Archives: future

When You Don’t Know What to Do Next, Buy New Socks

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When you aren’t sure what you’re supposed to do next, it’s typically advised to research your options, make a decision, and then jump in without reservation.

Easier said than done.

When I don’t know what to do next or become overwhelmed by the endless options and societal pressures, I buy socks. Although I am fond of the cozy, cotton foot warmers, the premise of that action is that doing something practical gives you back a sense of control. Control, in and of itself, is an illusion. Yet, checking items off a to-do list, signing up for classes, cleaning house, and buying new socks sure do feel good.

At work, I generally have a lot of free time, which I generally spend reading. However, for the past week or so, I’ve just sat for hours at a time thinking about anything and everything, letting the ceaseless interruptions influence and inspire my thoughts. The result is pages of notes, black pen on white printer paper; ideas which seem more reminiscent of a rainbowed chain of colored papers, all distinctly different, yet so intricately linked.

I began with a reflection back on Quiet, in which Susan Cain recalls a gentle and thoughtful lawyer who was surrounded by more aggressive personalities. Despite recognizing her strengths and positive traits, the lawyer compared herself to her colleagues and then questioned her ability to succeed on her chosen path. Ultimately, her honest approach, gentle nature, and passion for her work helped her earn both respect and success in the field.

Which led me to ask, what are factors that lead to success? Not what convention tells us, but what ultimately lies at the heart of personal fulfillment?

Whoever you are, however you are, and whatever you do, it’s important to be honest and truthful with those you work with, as well as yourself. Be passionate, profound, and personal. Make people laugh. Have a solid and flexible vision – don’t change your dreams, but be willing to change your strategies. Be ready to fail, because failure is inevitable and, conveniently, the best way to remain grounded, curious, and humble. Be disciplined and self-motivated. Improvise and innovate. Become an open minded and independent thinker. Help others, have their back, earn their trust. Find your rhythm, build a routine, work like crazy, and give yourself breaks when you need them. Create something worth sharing. Treat people like human beings, not numbers or personal income. Recognize your mistakes, ask yourself what you can learn from them, and move on. Seek out constructive criticism, and make honest feedback a positive experience. Be receptive to new experiences, and find novelty in the mundane and everyday. Face challenges head-on, be resilient, find strength. Be grateful for your experiences, happy in the present moment, and excited about the future. Trust yourself, listen to your heart.

These all seem like great ideas, wonderful launching points, but once again, easier said than done.

I have the tendency to over-think, over-analyze, and get caught up in irrelevant details. When hopeful and engaged, this leads to innovative new ideas and a boost in self-confidence. However, when I feel uncertain or defeated, everything feels wrong and often I let my fear of failure get the best of me. When we become overwhelmed, lose faith in ourselves, or simply don’t know what to do next, I think the key is to take baby steps, to check small tasks off your to-do list, to go buy yourself some practical new socks and set off on your next big adventure. Often one small victory can lead to a succession of others.

Bored

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My brother was destructive.

My sister repeatedly ran off to talk to strangers.

However, when I ask my parents what the most challenging aspect of raising me was, they’ll hesitate for a moment, and then reply “You were a really easy kid, and a lot of fun, but…you were continually proclaiming ‘I’m bored. What can I do?’ and it drove us up the wall.”

I was a good kid, but it took a lot to engage and entertain me. Amusement was always short-lived, and I wasn’t satisfied unless I was learning, creating, or communicating. I would work on jigsaw puzzles, read, watch nature documentaries, do homework, build furniture forts, climb trees with friends, and play on the computer for hours at a time, and then suddenly report my overwhelming and unquenchable boredom.

Nothing held my interest for long, and there was always something more to discover and achieve. I had an expansive imagination and unrealistic plans and dreams. Life was this huge adventure, just waiting to awaken…and it would, just as soon as I grew up. I feel like not much has changed.

On my tenth birthday, I wrote in a little journal, “Only six more years until I can drive!” As much as I enjoyed the freedom of being a kid, I could not wait to grow up because of all the endless possibilities I imagined. One day, I’ll be able to have as many dogs as I want, I’ll have an awesome job, and maybe even a loving husband. I’ll eat Pop-Tarts and hamburgers for breakfast, I’ll live next door to my best friends and build secret tunnels between our houses, I’ll go on vacation whenever I feel like it, I’ll write a best-selling book under a pen name, and change the world. I feel like I’m still waiting. And not just for sugary breakfast foods. I often feel like I’m waiting for my life to begin.

My hopes and goals in life have shifted significantly over the years, but I still have that restless, gnawing drive to do more with my life. I still long to learn, create, and communicate. I want to go to graduate school, I want to take fun classes, I want to work for myself, I want to read incessantly, I want to hear professionals speak on all different topics, I want to travel the world, I want to write, I want to hear people’s stories and share my own, I want to feel connected and a part of something bigger, I want to discover my purpose and feel as if I’m actively working to improve myself and make a difference in the lives of others.

Yet, just like ten and fifteen years ago, there seems to be a bit of a disconnect. I look at my current situation and recognize that I want to do more, to achieve more, to become more; I recognize where there’s room for improvement and compile lists of things I would love to do; and then I sit back, sigh, and say “I’m bored.” I don’t take action, I don’t follow though. There are, of course, exceptions, but in general I let a ridiculous, yet insidious little fear of change get in the way. It’s frustrating recognizing my own inability to take that initiative when I so desperately long to.

Lately, I’ve really missed being in school, and I think that stems from the fact that without structure and guidance, I tend to wander aimlessly and question my own aptitude. I no longer have a tangible ultimate goal. I’m inherently and passionately curious, with exceedingly high expectations and hopes for my future. But even with all the right tools and ammunition, I feel stagnant and under-stimulated. I’m not sure if it’s my timidness, or the curse of recent graduates who are all hoping to find that “perfect job” in an economy that has little to offer, but either way, I’m admittedly bored. I think it’s about time I just do something, anything.

Ordinary Heroes

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It’s funny how every time someone challenges your beliefs, comes out with something new and freeing, something that shows alternative ways to become healthy, alternative ways of energy, ways that you can have your own abilities that you had not seen, how different life can be, tells you a scary truth that is happening, show ways that your life could be a paradise, or anything else that would cause the people at the top to lose trillions of dollars….. They are immediately labelled crazy, mysteriously debunked, they BECOME crazy, called a scam, or killed.

That can’t last forever if enough heroes do some inner work, learn something real, show up and speak at the same time.

- Kyle Cease

You Are Perfect, Just the Way You Are

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Over the course of the past sixteen months, I’ve had several people comment that I seem wise for my age. Self-aware, genuine, passionately curious, spiritually attuned, intelligent,  etc. My first response is always a beaming smile and a gracious “thank you”; my first thought is always that I wish I’d have figured out some of these things sooner. I wish someone would have told me that I’m perfect just the way I am. I wish they had developed a way to tell me so that I’d actually have believed it.

I recently wrote a letter to my younger self, with the basic theme,” Stop taking yourself so seriously!” While that certainly still applies, there’s so much more to be said. Life is a maze, growing up is a struggle, finding balance between autonomy and outside advice is a constant challenge, and discovering what you personally believe is admittedly not easy. I see friends venturing down the conventional paths, I hear stories of kids dying before their eighteen birthday, and I desperately long to inject them all with some of the wisdom I’ve gathered up over the course my lifetime. I want to convey the same message that’s been preached for decades, but in a way that people will understand and take seriously.

You're weird. It's okay.

Growing up, I was always a bit of a loner. Outside of my siblings and cousins, there was one little neighborhood girl who I hung out with, and another quiet friend at school. I preferred books, jigsaw puzzles, and people-watching over social interactions. I still keep to myself, and I’m perfectly okay with that. I’m at a place where criticism doesn’t bother me. If someone asks why I’m so quiet, I can just throw on a smug grin and shrug my shoulders. Be yourself. Embrace your hobbies, and throw yourself into them. Someday, once you’ve found your niche, people will appreciate you, for all you are. 

I was a scrawny kid. When I hit junior high and high school, I was bombarded with concerns that I wasn’t eating by teachers and peers, while at home my family joked that I was a bottomless pit. For the longest time I was self-conscious and unhappy with my body. Despite the blistering Arizona heat, I wore oversized jeans and sweatshirts year-round. The next stage involved trying to fit in – wearing shorts that only someone my size could pull off, but that no parent should let their child out of the house wearing. At the time, I told myself I was happy with my body, but that was simply an effortful lie. You have control over what you put into your body, and how you care for your body. Beyond that, let go of your worries, and learn to be happy with the beautiful and unique body that you’ve been gifted with. 

All the cool kids are doing drugs, drinking alcohol, dating, having sex, breaking the law. So what? Those are the kids who are going to end up in rehab, brokenhearted, pregnant, without a college education, or in jail. (Not necessarily, but oftentimes sticking to your guns and following the rules is the best option.) If you don’t want to do something, then confidently decline, smile politely, and walk away. It really is that easy, trust me. 

Good, clean fun.

Volunteer. Be humble. Be kind. Realize that you have it better than a lot of people. Be gracious for all that you have. Quit being so angsty. The world doesn’t revolve around you and it never will. Get over it. Help others, because it will ultimately help you. 

Be a good person, stay true to yourself. Authenticity is more appealing that an expensive Starbucks habit, designer bags, or new outfits every day of the week. If you’re a nerd, go all out. If you’re a goofball, spread the laughter any way you see fit. If you’re kind and empathetic, quit acting tough already. We’re all strange, in our own way; that’s what makes is unique and interesting. Stop trying to hide your true nature because you think people won’t accept you. Find the right people and they’ll love you for all that you are – strengths, imperfections, and everything in between.   

Life doesn’t always go as planned. You have less control than you like to be believe. The past is the done and the future will change before you have a chance to implement your intricate plans. Don’t worry about things you can’t change. Fix the things you can. Put a full effort into all you do. Learn to accept things as they are. Let go of your need to control.

Everyone has shortcoming and weaknesses, yourself included. Forgive, and don’t hold grudges. People are likely to reciprocate, but don’t hold it against them if they’re unable.

You're still weird. It's still okay.

Your parents generally know best and are just looking out for you. Rules sometimes don’t make sense, but they’re in place for a reason, and one day you’ll be grateful for the guidance and discipline. Listen to your parents. Thank them. Tell them that you love them. Someday you’ll wish you’d have said more, sooner. Whether or not you realize or fully appreciate it, your parents have offered you the world, and countless opportunities for love and success. Never forget that. 

Life can be tough, the most daunting challenge of them all. When you’re young, everything is confusing, ridiculously nonsensical, and simply hard. Does it get better? Yes, but there are stipulations. From all my experience and learning, the key is to be accepting of who you are and where you are. Life is in a continually transitional state – friends, jobs, favorite outfits, and hobbies will change, probably more than you could even fathom. Within seven years, your body will have completely replaced all of its cells (except neurons in the cerebral cortex). You will literally be a new person. Rather than being freighted by change, embrace it. Just look how far it’s gotten you. Think about how much you’ve learned, experienced, and overcome in your lifetime, and be in awe of it. Know that more of the same lies ahead, if only you put the time and effort into pursuing and developing it.

A Split View of the Future

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“I’m an optimist in the sense that I believe humans are noble and honorable, and some of them are really smart. I have a very optimistic view of individuals. As individuals, people are inherently good. I have a somewhat more pessimistic view of people in groups. And I remain extremely concerned when I see what’s happening in our country, which is in many ways the luckiest place in the world. We don’t seem to be excited about making our country a better place for our kids.”

-Steve Jobs

If You Could Be Anywhere Right Now…

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One question that came up on a twelve-hour road trip with my cousin this summer was: “If you could be anywhere right now, doing anything….what would it be?” Sensing my hesitation, he assured me that it didn’t have to be realistic. I never gave him an answer; a full month later I still don’t know what I want my life to look like. If someone offered me unlimited resources – money, knowledge, people, opportunities – I would still be tounge-tied.

Graduate school sounds good. But why? Because I like school and am comfortable in that environment? That’s not good enough. I can’t commit five to eight years of my life and $150,000 to something I’m not wholeheartedly passionate about. Maybe someday, but not now.

I’ve always wanted to travel. But why? Because that’s what people my age are supposed to be interested in? I do want to travel, but it’s something I’d like to do when I can afford to go to all the museums and tourist traps and stay for an extended period of time; I don’t want an unplanned adventure on a tight budget. I’d also want a companion, someone to share the awe of new places and experiences with. Again, maybe someday, when I really want it.

What about a career – what do you want to do? That’s the killer. I simply don’t know and I have way too many interests to choose just one (one of the reasons I love school). I’m fascinated by social and positive psychology, forensic anthropology and criminology, reading and writing, performing research and analysis, organic chemistry and physics, and countless other unrelated topics. I couldn’t possibly choose just one or two. If I could be trained for each job and then make a decision, I might consider that.

Well, would I be interested in moving to another state and starting fresh? My family, friends, and everything I know are here. I think if I were uprooted, I’d survive, but I don’t have any desire to leave.

How about starting a family? No….just, no. I would like to be married and start a family someday, but I’m so far from ready for that. A good portion of people my age already have kids and I don’t envy them at all. Before I start a family I want to be in an emotionally secure relationship, be financially secure, and be prepared for the worst, yet unrelentingly optimistic about the future; that’s something no one else can give to me - it’s something that I need to work towards.

I think my biggest issue with the “If you could do anything, be anything…” question is that it involves having something handed to you on a silver platter. I’m stubbornly independent and have a hard time accepting help from anyone (even if it isn’t a handout). I’d rather work myself to death than admit I can’t do everything on my own. That’s one of my biggest faults, my toughest challenge, a seemingly endless struggle to find balance. However, I think realizing that there’s room for improvement and actively working on myself is a step in the right direction.

If I could go back to that day, I would say “If I could be anywhere right now, I would choose to be here: unemployed, out of school, single, uncertain of what the future holds, terrified of making the wrong decision…and on a road trip with one of my favorite people. I wouldn’t change my situation at all because I believe that challenges and uncertainty build character, prepare me for the future, and teach me both acceptance and adaptability. I wouldn’t change my situation because I don’t know what I want.”

Well, actually, it would be a dream come true if I could be paid to blog. I invest an inordinate amount of time and effort into this ”project” and have never been more passionate or committed to something. I feel successful, I feel like I’m making a difference, I feel vivacious, I feel like this is where I need to be.

If you could do anything, be anything, have anything, what would you choose?

The illusion of security

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Throughout elementary school, my small private school had practice fire drills once a month. By following protocol we could earn a “free dress day,” the one day a month where we could trade in our drab uniform for something a bit more unique. In addition to fire drills, we practiced what we would do in the case an intruder entered campus – hide in the cubby area, behind a thin cork board.

The colorfully decorated corkboard served as a display of admirable drawings, seasonal borders and a means of separating book bags and supplies from the general classroom. Corkboard can’t compare to bullet-proof glass nor a sheet of steel; the corkboard barrier stood no chance against a whizzing bullet. From the window, a passerby could easily look in and see 30 pairs of anxious legs peeking out from beneath the elevated board.

We weren’t safe, but we were given the illusion of security. In the case of a lockdown, specifically an armed individual entering the school, we would file into the cubby area and try to keep our giggles to a minimum. We were safe. No one could see us, no one could hear us, no one could touch us.

Life is full of illusions. People deceive one another in order to gain support, protect their reputation, and to build a sense of security. Sometimes these little white lies help us to overcome our fears; sometimes these exaggerations and half-truths blind us from reality. However, like everything else in life, these illusions play an important role. The illusion of security procures high levels of courage and hope, which guide us confidently into the future. The illusion of security is why people trust airport security, the government, their teachers, their skydiving instructor, their parents, and themselves.

As a child, I was terrified of crossing bridges. A debilitating wave of insecurity rushed through me whenever I saw a rickety wooden monstrosity. It made no difference that the bridge was sturdy, that my parents would hold my hand or hoist me onto their shoulder, nor that I knew how to swim in the case that I did manage to fall into the three feet of water. After being reassured countless times that nothing bad would happen, I gradually allowed myself to trust my parents and accept their offers of security.

For the past few month, I have experienced that same level of fear. I’m about to graduate college and I don’t have a set path, I don’t have an ultimate goal, and I don’t even have a job lined up for the time being. However, after much assurance that I have “plenty of time to figure things out,” that “taking a year off before graduate school is a great idea,” and that soon enough I’ll find “the perfect career” and “everything will fall into place,” my insecurity has dissipated.

Like a rickety old bridge, in life there is always that chance that one wrong step may lead to disaster; like the thin corkboard screen, one’s sense of security going into the future may be a mere illusion cleverly crafted by the mind to safeguard them from breakdown. But look where this fearlessness has brought us – people have started new businesses, sparked up conversations with strangers, held out for the right job or the right relationship, and have traveled the world without a plan.

Although fear protects us from the unknown, the illusion of security protects us from our fears. The illusion of security allows us to parade through our lives knowing that one false step accompanied by 99 steps forward is better than fear-induced paralysis and stagnation that leads you nowhere.

Seeds for the future

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In life, each of us has been given certain gifts and potentials, which can be likened to a package of seeds. These seeds are capable of growing into the garden of our dreams, yet we’re even never told that we have them or given instruction as to how to care for them.

We may rush over to see a neighbor’s thriving garden, to figure out whether they discovered and nurtured their seeds or spilled them by chance, and to gawk at the enchanting nursery. Individuals and societies are mesmerized by their neighbors’ gardens. Entire industries are built around the buying, selling, and trading of others’ capital. These enterprises depend on managers, sales teams, and consumers, on accountants, lawyers, and market researchers. Complex commerce involves mergers, buyouts, 401ks, and earned vacation time. Tending someone else’s garden is time consuming and a lot of hard work.

One of the biggest impediments one has to discovering their own seeds is their fascination with the gardens of others. Some seeds grow into private gardens; some develop into best selling products or successful industries; some bloom in to happy and loving families. Countless more seeds lay dormant throughout their lifetime, precious gifts never to be discovered by their owner.

We all have been gifted with our own person stock of seeds. We all have talent, potential, and yet-to-be-fulfilled dreams just sitting around in our pockets or buried under a sofa cushion. Although your personal seeds may not present themselves right away, they will arrive at the most opportune moment, so be sure to nurture the soil now and prepare for the beautiful and bountiful garden that will soon adorn your life.